THE ULTIMATE BOYFRIEND TEST!
by LiLiKun18
Summary: When four girls decide to figure out wether their favorite Anime character are sane or not they end up causing alot of trouble. Namely causing some Trauma to a bunch of fictional characters. But it's fiction so who cares?
1. Insanity, Stupidity, and Weirdness

One day four girls got into a fight...

The first girls name was Juli and she liked Naruto and was obsessed with Gaara becuase she thought he was adorable!

The second girls name was Maddie and she liked Deathnote and was obsessed with L becuase she thought he was awseome!

The third girls name was Ely and she liked Lord of the Rings and was obsessed with Frodo becuase she thought he was Awseome

And the fourth girls name was Lucy and she claimed not to be obsessed with anyone...she was obviously the strangest of the four girls!

So yeah one day they got into a fight... and what was it over?

"GAARA IS NOT CRAZY!!!" Juli wailed as she tried to hit Lucy on the head with a very heavy dictionary.

"I'm not saying he's crazy I'm saying he needs to be locked away in a little room where he can't hurt anyone...he might also need a straight jacket!"

"SHUT UP!!" Juli said defensively as she smacked Lucy with the dictionary "YOU KNOW NOTHING OF OUR LOVE!!"

"Love...you haven't even met the guy?" Maddie pointed out.

"WELL AT LEAST I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN L'S FACE?"

"THEY SHOW IT IN THE MANGA!!!" Maddie yelled as she pounced on Juli!

"Besides Ely's the one with the weird boyfriend!" Maddie shouted as she pointed at Ely who had up until this point been thinking dirty thoughts about Frodo!

"WHAT!? Frodo's not weird..."

"HE'S A FRICKEN HOBBIT WHO'S A FRICKEN TWO FEET TALL AND LIVES IN A FRICKEN HOLE WITH A FRICKEN GOBLIN AND A FRICKEN STALKER RING!" Juli yelled

"You used Fricken five times in that sentence!" Lucy pointed out "Seriously though Ely your boyfriends a freak..."

Ely: DEATH GLARE

"I will kill you in your sleep..." Ely said menacingly as all the other girls took a nervous step back...

"Well Gaara's not crazy..."

" AND L'S NOT STUPID"

"and Frodo isn't weird..."

Lucy stared at her three friends..."Well there's only one way to find out!"

"How?"

"Do you still have that doctor science lab coat and those old Harry Potter glasses?"

"Yeah..."

"That's how we'll do it!"

"How we'll do what?"

"WAIT I'M CONFUSED!!"

"I'll explain on the way! Anybody got a car?"

Anybody: ....no....

"I gotta a bike!" Juli said helpfully

"hmm...Bikes good but not fast enough we're gonna have to Carjack someone!" Lucy said

"LIKE IN FAMILY GUY?" Juli exclaimed

"Yes....except no talking baby's and no dogs and...OH WHATEVER LETS GO!!!!"


	2. Gaara's Interrogation

Gaara sat in his nice Kazekage office in his nice Kazekage robes with his nice Kazekage pointy hat looking at paperwork. It was nice...except for the papers...

Suddenly he felt something large come down on his head and was knocked unconscious...

When he came to he was in a dark room tied to a chair...surrounded by what looked like girls in labcoats wearing Harry Potter glasses and holding Hello Kitty clipboards...

"Um..who are you?"

"WE WILL ASK THE QUESTION'S!!!!" One with a blonde ponytail sad as she grabbed Gaara's hair and started pulling it...

"Ely back off we don't want him to think we're...up to something...do we?" One with curly dark hair said

"Oh I guess not!" Ely giggled as she skipped back to her circle of friends...

"OMG Gaara! In my house tied to a chair! This is like the best day ever..." A tiny girl with short brown hair squealed

"Wait is this another one of those fangirl kidnappings...if it is I swear I will sand coffin you all..." Gaara threatened

"temper problems" The dark haired one said as she scribbled something down on the clipboard...She then looked up"Hello Mr. Kazekage! I'm Dr. Lucy and this is Dr. Ely Dr. Juli and this is Maddie our un-paid intern.."

"AWWW why am I the intern?"

"Silence Intern! Now Gaara what seems to be the problem?"

"You mean other then the fact that I just woke up tied to a chair surrounded by deranged cosplayers?"

"Yeah other then that..."

"uh...I don't know...I mean...My head kinda hurts"

"Interesting..." Dr. Lucy said as she scribbled down more notes..."Now Gaara we understand you've been given the title...Insane...how do you feel about this?"

"uh...I dunno..."

"Interesting...Interesting...." Lucy said. She than started rummaging around in a bag. Now Gaara I'm going to show you a-"

"OH OH Can I do this Part?" Juli asked

"NO I'M THE DOCTOR!!!" Lucy said and then turned back to Gaara "I'm going to show you a picture and you tell me what you see..."

Lucy held up a blank piece of paper "Now what do you see?"

Gaara stared at her like he thought this was a joke "I don't see anything?"

"OH MY GOD HE'S BLIND!!!" Elizabeth screamed as she started running around knocking things over and making loud crashes...

"Oh wait I just had the card backwards!" Lucy said as she turned the card around. "OK now what do you see?"

Gaara stared "an...inkblot?"

"Oh dear you know what this means..." Lucy said as she turned to look at her co-workers

"No...what does it mean?" Juli asked

"It means he has no personality an extremely low IQ and does not possess the ability to remember things...We'll need to operate!" Lucy announced

"Operate?" Gaara said confused.

"LUCY YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! YOUR JUST TAKING STUFF OUT OF THAT FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON BOOK!" Maddie yelled

"HEY! Whose the doctor here!" Lucy said pointing at herself.

"umm... Gaara instead of telling us what you see tell us what the inkblot looks like to you...like a frog or a mud puddle..." Juli suggested

"Ummm...OK..." Gaara said as he took another look at the ink blot "A cloud..."

**"WRONG THAT IS THE WRONG ANSWER!!!!"**Ely screamed as she jumped on top of the helpless Gaara and started punching him.

"ELY NO YOUR MARRING HIS BEAUTY!!!" Juli cried as she ran over and pulled Elizabeth off of Gaara.

Suddenly a door opened and a middle aged woman walked in turning the lights on and causing all four of the girls to groan...

"What are you kids doing up here?" Juli's Mother asked

"Were doing a project for psychology class" Maddie said innocently

"Scilence Intern!" Lucy said

"HELP ME PLEASE!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE AND AWAY FROM THEESE MANIACS!!!" Gaara screamed

"Girls you didn't kidnap a fictional anime character and tied them up AGAIN did you?"

"uhh...no...this is just...A monkey whose cosplaying Gaara..." Lucy said smoothly...

"Oh...alright then..." Juli's mom said as she left

"alright continuing with the inspection..." Lucy said "Now I think it's time for the physical don't you?" She smiled as she reached into a bag and pulled out a chainsaw...

"Hang on! I'll take it from here..." Juli said as she took the chainsaw and tossed it out the window causing an oncoming vehicle to slam into a tree and kill a family of squirrels...

"Now Gaara..." Juli said trying to brush her hair back in a seductive way

"Oh god..." Maddie muttered

"SILENCE INTERN!!!" Everyone said.

"Now Gaara...are you in any current relationships?"

"uhh...no..."

"Your not Gay right?"

"I don't think so...."

"How would you feel about us going to dinner tomorrow night..."

"DR. JULI'S LETTING HER PERSONAL FEELINGS INTERFERE WITH THE INTERROGATION!!!!" Ely tattled

"I AM NOT!!!! IT'S IMPORTANT...SOMEHOW..."

Gaara suddenly had an Idea. "OHH YOU'VE CURED ME I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER I AM GOING TO GO HOME AND GIVE CANDIES TO ORPHANS AND HELP OLD PEOPLE CROSS THE STREET I FEEL SO HAPPY AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU GUYS!!!"

All four of the self proclaimed doctors looked incredibly proud...

"That was easy..." Lucy said "But I guess we have to take him back now..."

"aww..." Juli sighed

_thank you _Gaara prayed silently

"Ok lets ship him back guys..." Lucy said

Suddenly Gaara felt something large hit him over the head again...

The next thing he knew he was back in his Office...except he felt like he'd just been hit by a truck...

"...Temari..." He called faintly

The blonde Kunoichi rushed in "GAARA YOUR OK!" She exclaimed as she went over to care for her little brother...

"What happened?" Gaara moaned

"You went missing for three weeks...did fangirls kidnap you again?"

"I think so..."

"Geez you look like you've been locked in the backseat of a truck and been continuously beaten with a base ball bat..."(Irony)

"Why is my chest burning so bad?" Gaara said. He unbuttoned his shirt to find...

"Oh my god..." Temari said in shock as she stared at Gaara's chest

Gaara moaned

There on his chest was a Tatoo that said: _JULI AND GAARA FOREVER KISS KISS KISS REMEMBER ME EVEN WHEN WERE APART XOXO_

**SOMEWHERE IN SWEDON**

"Do you think he'll like the tatoo?" Juli asked

"Yes I'm sure he'll love it!" Ely assured her "Even if he was unconscious when he got it"

"At least I still have locks of his hair and shreds of his clothing to remember him by..." Juli sniffed. She then looked at Lucy... "So he's not insane?"

"It's iffy..." Lucy said as she manned the steering wheel of the stolen car. "But anyway now we're going to Japan find L..."

"How are we gonna find him when he's the most secretive secret agent in the whole wide world?" Juli asked

"You have me here!" Maddie said reasurringly..."We'll find him..."

"Shut up Intern..."


	3. L's Flirtation

"OK Maddie!" Juli said as she pulled a sock out of her purse. "This is an authentic L sock! Apaparently it is the only surving item that ever belonged to L that wasn't burned like his photo's. I paid $3,000 bucks for it on ebay"

"Why a sock? L doesn't wear socks!" Lucy said as she observed the small article of clothing.

"Actually it's not a sock it's a sock _puppet!_" Juli said as she showed the face that was sewn on the other side. "L had to do something with all his useless socks!"

"Whatever lets just find L!" Lucy said as she snatched the sock out of Juli's hands. "OK Maddie! SNIFF!!!"

Maddie took the sock and rubbed it under her nose. She then looked around for a few seconds before shouting "THAT WAY!!!"

The girls took off down the streets of Tokyo following their Fangirl Bloodhound!

* * *

L sat in his armchair with his feet up sipping hot cocoa and eating cheese cake. From behind him was Ely who was sneaking up quietly behind him with a raised baseball bat.

"Don't even think about it..." L said as he turned around to look at the fan girl

"H-How'd you know I was behind you?"

"Becuause My friend Watari told me a suspicious looking vehicle filled with fan-girls had just pulled up three blocks from my house, I calculated that they were after me and had already taken the precaution to bar all the doors of this apartment which I proved positive by trying them all, I then asked Watari for an estimate of their height and I used that to determine how long it would take them to reach my chair, after that I simply waited, it was quite simple." L explained

"huh?" Ely said confused by the large words

"Why don't you tell the rest of your friends to stop hiding behind the sofa..." L said as he stirred his spoon around in his coco

Lucy, Maddie and Juli all stood up in awe. "I told you L has mad skills!" Maddie exclaimed as she took a seat on the chair next to L.

"That I do..." L said as he put his feet up on his chair and turned to face the four girls who had just recently broken into his house.

"Alright...So what are your motives for trying to knock me out? You weren't trying to kidnap me like all the other fangirls who find this place were you?"

"Actually Mr. L we were going to see if you weird or not..."

"And how did you plan to do that?"

"Well you see..." Lucy trailed of...How were the going to do it? "huh...you know I don't remember..."

"From the way you all seem to think I'm guessing you were going to make me take a boyfriend quiz that you have printed in your briefcase..." L pointed out...

"OH YEAH!!!" Maddie exclaimed as she pulled out the quiz... "OK lets start!"

"Question One, Whats your idea of a perfect date?"

"The one where my girlfriend gets to see me bust international criminals that would be pretty cool!"

"Ok...Next question, what qualities do you look for in a girl?"

"A cute personality and maybe someone who can surprise me...though I highly doubt anyone can surprise me at this point..."

"Alright here's the next one, Would you or would you not have sex with Me?" Maddie asked. She was instantly pummeled by the other girls who started punching her in the stomach (they're very violent aren't they)

"I have to admit that surprised me..." L said calmy as he watched the dog pile of girls on the floor

"I LOVE YOU L!!!" Screamed Maddie

L picked up a walkie talkie "security there's been another breech of fangirls, please come quickly..."

He then picked Maddie up by her shoulders and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "I'm glad you care so much..." Maddie turned bright red, she was practically floating on her own private cloud.

"Oh what? No kiss for me? I cried when they killed your character off in Deathnote!" Juli said

"Yes but judjing by that I Heart Gaara T-shirt I can tell your a Gaara fan-girl and I hate Gaara with a passion!" L said calmly

"You hate Gaara?" Juli exclaimed in shock "Why?"

L gave a little sigh "It all started many years ago..."

"YAY STORY TIME!!!" Ely exclaimed

"...As I was saying It all started many years ago at an anime convention in Bora Bora"

**START FLASH BACK!!!**

L: "Hi I'm L!"

Gaara: "Hi I'm Gaara...Is that a cookie your eating?"

L: "Why Yes! Yes it is!"

Gaara: "HEY LOOK OVER THERE!!!"

L: "WHAT! WHAT IS IT?!"

Gaara: *snatches cookies*

L: CURSE YOU!!!

**END OF FLASH BACK!!!**

"That's kind of..." Lucy started

"Yeah I know..." L said

"So your not going to give me a kiss becuase of that?" Juli sniffed

"Well it goes against my moral but I guess I can make an exception..." L said. He then smooched Juli on the cheek!

Juli giggled faintly for a few seconds and then passed out on the ground...

"Does she always do that?" L asked

"Yeah she has boy phobia..." Ely said

"Oh I see..." L said

"Do I get a kiss?" Ely asked

"Eh why not?" L then Kissed Ely and Lucy on their cheeks

"Yay!" Ely exclaimed

"PERVERT!!" Lucy screamed as she slapped L across the face. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER SAID YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND!!!!"

"Whatever..." L said bluntly as he rubbed his soar face

Just then security guards burst in and started dragging the Love struck girls away...

"Bye girls..." L waved

"GOOD BYE L!!!" Maddie waved "REMEMBER TO WRITE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!"

"you too!" L called as the security guards slammed the door. L then returned to his Hot chocolate...


	4. Frodo's something ation

"Hey Juli?" Lucy asked. "What have we been doing for the last two years? I think I blacked out."

"Oh no it's ok." Juli explained. "I just got writers block so the fanfiction stopped coming."

"So we were stuck in limbo for two years?" Maddie asked.

"I guess so."

"Like in inception!" Ely giggled.

"OMG THE CARPET IS FAKE!" Maddie screamed.

Suddenly all four girls woke up to find they were sitting in their stolen car with Leonardo Dicaprio, who had them all hooked up to his magical dream machine.

"GET OUT OF OUR CAR!" Juli yelled throwing her shoe at him.

"NO STAY IN THE CAR!" Ely yelled.

Leo jumped out of the car and began running down the street.

"I'LL NEVER LET GO JACK!" Ely called as Lucy manned the wheel and drove them off.

"So where are we going now?" Maddie asked.

"From what I can tell on this map..." Juli said. "We're headed straight for Middle Earth!"

"Ok, which turn am I supposed to take?" Lucy asked.

"You see that giant ravine that goes down into a black abyss?"

"Which one?"

"The one with the sign that says ALL WHO TAKE THIS TURN SHALL DIE?"

"Yep I see it," Lucy said as she took the turn.

Maddie looked over Juli's shoulder. "Wait a second, that's not a map that's a napkin you scribbled on."

"No it's a map-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

All four girls screamed as Lucy drove off the cliff and they plummeted down into the dark.

**One convenient transition later**

"Wow that could've been a lot worse." Juli said. "I mean I don't even have a scratch."

"Well good thing the car we stole had a parachute!" Lucy said.

"And lasers so we could fight that giant Noo Noo!" Ely added.

"And good thing that ravine actually lead to Middle Earth." Maddie smiled as she stared out at the beautiful scenery.

"I told you it was a map." Juli said smugly.

"Excuse me? But are you wizards with your magical flying chariot?" Everyone turned to see a small frightened looking hobbit, timidly watching them from behind a tree.

"Wow look at him," Lucy whispered. "He makes Juli and Maddie seem tall."

Both Juli and Maddie frowned.

"ARE YOU FRODO!" Ely screamed throwing herself at the frightened hobbit, thawing at the mouth a little bit.

"Uh...no...My name is T-Timothy and I-"

"OUT OF MY FACE LOSER!" Ely yelled picking up Timothy and throwing him across Middle Earth.

"Aww...that was rude Ely." Juli scolded.

Ely looked out at the horizon. "SORRY!" she shouted very loudly.

"You killed Timothy!" Another hobbit cried.

"Hey! I said I was sorry!" said Ely. "Now where is Frodo...TELL ME!" A dark Aura surrounded her and her face turned malicious.

"Uh...F-frodo Baggins?" The hobbit asked.

"YES..." Ely answered menacingly.

"He left Middle Earth with the elves back in 2003."

"What!" Ely exclaimed in horror. She sat down on the ground and began to cry. "Well that just figures," she sniffed.

"Aww...cheer up Ely," Lucy said. "It could be worse,"

"How?" Ely demanded. "HOW COULD IT BE WORSE?"

"He could've been Timothy in disguise." Maddie muttered.

"Hey!" Juli exclaimed. "I know what'll cheer you up!"

"What?" Ely sniffed.

"So we can't see Mr. Frodo Baggins right? Well lets go see the next best thing to a hobbit."

"Michael Jackson?" Ely said hopefully.

"Uh...Almost..." Juli said, " I was thinking more along the lines of a person who was short."

Everyone stared at her blankly.

"A very short blonde person..."

Everyone continued to stare.

"A very short and blonde alchemist?"

"We're not talking about the Oompa Loompas are we?" Maddie asked nervously.

"NO YOU DUMBOS!" Juli exclaimed. (Ely: Ha Ha You said Dumbo.) "EDWARD ELRIC!"

"OH MY GOSH!" Lucy exclaimed. "You don't mean-?"

"That's right!" Juli smirked as she climbed back into the car. "We're going to Amestris."

**BUM BUM BUM**

To be continued.

* * *

Epilogue: Timothy landed at a Michael Jackson Concert.


End file.
